Did you ever notice how grown adults act like 16 year old children as soon as they get off exit 70 of the LIE? I have become quite fascinated by the concept that people who claim that club life is so 5 years ago for them, clammer to get into places like the Pink Elephant and Stereo just because they are in the hamptons.

This weekend I saw 40 year old women practically prostituting themselves to get into clubs that had lines 500 deep of people who were very age inappropriate for them. And I saw men 45 to 50 years old begging for admittance, and trying unsuccessfully to give bouncers $400 to 500 to get passed that red rope. Hello people.... you don't need to go to these places that badly! You know that once you get inside, you hate being there, you are out of place and all you do is think about wanting to go home. And you wonder how its possible that you are this old and still doing the same thing you did when you were 20. Right?

I have given some thought as to why people feel this need to go to the crazy clubs until 5am. I think it's because they feel that if make the trek to the hamptons, pay all the money to rent the house and inconvenience themselves by sharing bathrooms and phone lines with strangers that the very least that should happen is a hookup. But does a hookup really help? If someone does hookup with an undesirable, an embarrassment or someone they never want to see again, does this really make someone feel better about themselves the day after? Does this change the fact that next weekend, they will need to pony up another 5 big ones to get into the place again? I don't think so.

So, some advice....

Find somewhere to go in the hamptons where you might have a fun time, a really fun time, not a poser fun time that you have to create thru illegal substances and excessive amounts of alcohol.

Pick people to spend time with in the hamptons whose company you enjoy regardless of the place.

Try to have fun and seem upbeat wherever you end up. People can sense negative energy and will be repelled by it.

Be smart with your time. If you arrive at a place at midnight, and the crowd outside the door is 400 people deep, the fire marshals truck is parked in the lot and you are not on the list to get in, DON'T BOTHER getting out of your car!

If you don't have any juice at a place, but for some reason you are dying to go- you need to get there realllllllllllllllllly early- even if you are the first person to arrive, this will give you better odds for admission.

And lastly, men have trouble getting into clubs in the hamptons unless they have a connection, a recognizable face or a very hot chick by their side. So... my advice, find a hot chick...