Dana Reeves- a love story for all time

Dana Reeves died Monday at the age of 44. What a woman! Her dedication to her husband Christopher Reeves was unparalleled; she was courageous and strong. She supported and loved her husband unlike many people would have been able to do. And after she saw him through all of his treatment, their heartache, and his death, she was much too soon diagnosed therafter with lung cancer which she succumbed to on Monday night. As I said what a woman.

We all look for someone who will stay with us, be by our side in sickness or in health till death do us part. But do we really get that today? Do single people today get married for the long haul? Do people of our generation actually get married and plan to stick around for better or for worse? Or do people of our generation look at the ease of getting a divorce as an escape route that makes its all the more palatable? How did our generation change so dramatically to a generation that runs away when the chips are down?

And how does someone find a partner like Dana Reeves? She was one of a kind but I hope not one of her kind. I know I would like a partner with the characteristics she embodied, wouldn’t you???

ROMANCE AT THE OSCARS...

So another Oscar night came and went. Most people pay attention to the movies and winners, some pay attention to the fashion, and I pay attention to the romance. And boy was romance abound this year…

Even though there were no romantic comedies nominated for awards, there was still romance everywhere. All types of romance.

There were overt romantic gestures--the romantic gesture of the Desperate Housewives giving a heartfelt good luck wish to Felicity Huffman via satellite on the red carpet, there was George Clooney reminding us when he won his Oscar that he was voted the Sexiest man alive in People magazine in 1997, there was romantic vintage Dior dress that Reese Witherspoon was wearing that was a real honest to goodness original.

There were the Hollywood power couples like Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw, William H Macy and Felicity Huffman who never looked better sitting front and center.

And there was young Hollywood but just as visible like Heath Ledger and his co star on and off screen a vision in yellow Michelle Williams and gorgeous Jessica Alba and Cash Warren.

Then there was furtive romance, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, all lovey Dovey in a corner booth at the Vanity Fair after party, Vince Vaughn playing protective Mother Hen when he met up with his gal and Oscar presenter Jen Aniston.

And lastly we had the sexy single bachelors , the men any girl would die to have- Jake Gillenhal, Jamie Foxx, and of course George Clooney. Who do we think will ultimately land George Clooney????

HEY MR 40’S GUY…. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS????

So I met with a new male client yesterday, he is 43, and what a refreshing change, he actually wants a woman close to his age. And no, he‘s not divorced nor has he already had kids. He just has realized that he has more in common with women his age than women who are substantially younger. And being the evolved and educated man that he is, he is not hung up on the biological time clock of a woman because he trusts the data that has been coming forth that women can have children well into their 40’s.

I know, I know, the “non evolved man” will argue this point and say that yes maybe women can have kids in their 40’s but maybe they can’t and why should they take a chance. I see the logic there as well.

However…. Think about this…. Let’s say you are a guy in your 40’s who seems your age, meaning if you polled 100 objective people and asked them how old you were, and these people were objective and not your friends who like to kiss your ass, these 100 people would say that you seem like a guy in your 40’s not younger at all. Now that doesn’t mean that you might not look younger than 40 but how you act, your demeanor and your interests all scream 40’s. Now, let’s say you’re that guy… You tell everyone you want to date a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s. Why? Because you say you are more attracted to them, you have more in common with them and you don’t feel biological time clock pressure coming from them. Okay, that’s a fair answer, its your opinion, but did you ever stop and think about whether these girls are truly attracted to you, or is the attraction one sided?

Living in NY, you might be able to find a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s who is still in that “I like free meals” phase who will give you a one shot chance at a date. But if you, Mr. 40’s guy are really honest with yourself, how many of those dates turn into second dates or more importantly into relationships. Now don’t rationalize that you didn’t like them anyway, be honest, how many? If you are the guy I am describing, probably not that many.

Moreover, are you that guy who trolls the teeny bobber parties? Meaning everyone else looks like they fit in, you distinctly look like YOU DON’T FIT IN. You might rationalize that you have a younger friend who is bringing you to the party so you are welcome there but you still can’t take away from the fact that you really don’t fit in there and that if you were completely honest with yourself, you know a lot of people are whispering about you and making fun of you for being there and for trying to rob the cradle.

I don’t mean to be harsh. But maybe its time to smell the roses….Maybe its time to become like my new client- evolved and most importantly realistic. Yes, being with a hot young girl might be nice but is it worth it to keep waiting and waiting for a young hottie to like you as you get older and older and older and stay alone? Perhaps, it would be better to be with an older hottie- women close to your age can be very hot- many of them are at the absolute prime of their life. Think about it—maybe its time to consider some other women as possible contenders for yourself!

MUSTACHES... COOL OR NOT COOL?

The mustache question came up because My Name is Earl has become a popular show. Do we think Jason is hot????





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DATING GURU DISSES THE MUSTACHE - AM NY, February 17, 2006
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BY Lauren Johnston
amNY.COM STAFF WRITER

amNY.com sat down with dating expert Samantha Daniels - founder of the matchmaking service Samantha's Table - for her thoughts on the mustache. Here's what she had to say:


Q: Do you get much feedback on the mustache from female clients now that it's making a comeback?
A: When I talk about facial hair with a woman, nine times out of ten she says she would be open to a beard, a goatee or a scruff, but not a mustache. I hear almost across the board that women don't like it. So I would say, that if it's on its way back, the men have an uphill battle.


Q: What's wrong with them?
A: A lot of women, especially in New York, just don't seem to feel that the mustache is "in."


Q: So are men hurting their dating odds by growing a mustache?
A: I think if you're really serious about dating and getting into a relationship, you want to put your best foot forward. If having a mustache hinders you, then I don't think you should have one. I would never tell someone to get rid of it just because I said so, but I would like men to know that women are not that keen on it right now.


Q: Is there anyone who can pull off a mustache?
A: If he's a really handsome guy and he also has the mustache - then I think women rationalize and think, 'Well, it kind of makes him look cool.' But if it's a guy that's not that attractive and then on top of that he has a mustache -- if the guy is relying on the mustache to give him looks - then I don't think so.


Q: Is there any guy you think looks sexy with a mustache?
A: Tom Selleck. He was a handsome, charming guy. He had that cool way about him. It was like his mustache was there, but you didn't even see it because it was part of the whole package and that's the way it needs to be.

_____________________________________________________________

SO ROMANTIC....

MITZVAH FOR HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR By DEVIN SMITH and RITA DELFINER (NY Post)


February 16, 2006 -- The latest scene in a fairytale love story that began at a Nazi concentration camp when a starving 12-year-old met a brave girl plays out today at a Long Island synagogue.
Herman Rosenblat, now 76, will celebrate his bar mitzvah and Roma Rosenblat, 73, his wife of 48 years, will be at his side.
Roma was only 9 years old when she risked her life for months to smuggle him food at Schlieben munitions factory in Germany — and met him again 14 years later on a blind date in New York.
Their story is set to become a motion picture called "The Fence."
When Rabbi Anchelle Perl of Congregation Beth Sholom Chabad in Mineola saw the Rosenblats interviewed on TV for Valentine's Day, he called to ask Herman to if he had been bar mitzvahed.
"I was so involved in making a living I never thought of it," Herman said.
At Schlieben one night, his late mom "came to me in a dream and said, 'I'm sending you an angel.' "
The next day "I saw a girl through the fence. I whispered, 'Do you have anything to eat?' "
She threw food over the fence for seven months.
Years later in New York, Herman, who had his own television-repair business, said a reluctant "yes" to a friend who asked him to go on a blind date. It was Roma.

HOW ROMANTIC IS THAT????????????????????????

Last minute Valentine's Day advice

MINIMIZE YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

If you expect less, you will be pleasantly surprised.

No matter what you get as a gift, be gracious and say thank you. You can evaluate it, pick it apart with your friends or hate it later. If you don't you might be sorry.

Don't judge your valentine if he or she cannot be as mushy gushy as you would like. Mushy gushy takes time.

Girls like mushy gushy, so do your best to do it tonight, its that kind of night.

Don't get upset or bothered by the Valentine's prices- expect it to be expensive!

Make sure to pay a compliment to your date even if she doesn't look good in your eyes; she is expecting it.

Don't bring a sleazy lingerie outfit for a girl you just started dating. If that was your plan, save it for another night, this could backfire!

Guys expect action on Valentine's Night. Yes, "that" kind of action! You don't have to be sleazy about it, but a little nooky is appropriate.

FROM NEWSDAY-- Shopping for Valentine's Day cards

SHOPPING FOR . . . Valentine's Day cards
by Samantha Daniels


February 12, 2006

The expert: Samantha Daniels, celebrity matchmaker who inspired the TV series "Miss Match," founder of Samantha's Table Matchmaking, author of "Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker."

The product: Valentine's Day cards

What I want: More than just friends? Don't pick a card that says "to a great friend." Likewise, if you're not lovers your card shouldn't say "to my honey."

I must have: In a newer relationship go the humor route (something universally funny, not just satisfying your personal sense of humor) and not so sappy. A card that has room to write something personal; people appreciate more what you write on your own than what's prewritten.

What I hate: Having to read each and every card; stores should offer more subcategories.

Savvy shopper: Don't wait 'til Feb. 14; cards are always picked over and you can never find what you want. Go to an actual card store, not a small store that sells lingerie and carries four cards. Oh, a piece of advice regarding the gift: It's OK to get a gift that's practical, but make sure you add a sentimental touch: One year my best friend was given a hair dryer, no card. The guy gave it because he wanted to hint that she should spend more time at his place and he didn't already own one. All my friend saw was a piece of electronic gear. They broke up over it. Moral of the story: Be sweet and verbal on Valentine's Day.

My pick: Shoebox Greetings start at $1.99 and have a good variety, and they're written in a "more real" way, not as corny or absurd.

Next best thing: Ran out of time or can't get to a store? E-cards are terrific, creative and free; try Bluemountain.com.

ADVICE FOR THE FASHIONISTA

So, I went to a bunch of fashion shows this week and I saw this one guy around a lot- clearly straight, clearly not in the business and clearly scoping out the chicks. By the third time I saw him, I was curious about him, so I introduced myself. He told me that a PR friend of his, hooked him up so he could come to the shows because he wants to meet a woman to date. She told him that there would be a ton of pretty ones out and about during fashion week. I asked him how it was going (of course, after I told him that today was his lucky day because I was a matchmaker and that he should forget fashion shows, and realize I was the one who was holding the keys to the kingdom he is looking for!)

He said that, of course, there were tons of pretty girls, who might be available and who might want a guy but that they didn’t act that way at all. I looked him up and down- definitely a hot guy, definitely a successful looking guy- he had a white gold Rolex Daytona watch, a crisp white shirt, a Brioni cashmere blazer, a nice Camel overcoat, and supple leather gloves- he looked like a catch. These women are idiots, I thought immediately. He made a joke and said that it would be good if I could pass along some advice to the fashionistas so that in the future they wouldn’t miss a great guy like him standing right in front of them…

No problem!!! Clearly, the fashionistas are doing something wrong! Clearly they are giving off the wrong vibe! And it’s ironic because all I hear all the time, from all the fashion girls how difficult it is to meet a good guy. They constantly complain that they get to go to the coolest parties (their opinion) but all the men in attendance are gay or married so they wind up beautiful and alone because they can’t meet anyone. They say they see the same people all the time, and they say that their friends have already set them up with everyone they know. Then they beg me to set them up with someone great and straight!

The funny thing is these girls say they are dying to meet someone but then a guy like my client (yes, he signed up yesterday) comes around, a good looking guy (he really does look like Robert Downey Jr) , a successful guy, (he does make 7 figures) and an honest to goodness heterosexual guy and they ignore him or just don’t see him. So, here’s some advice for the fashionistas who claim that they would love to meet a great guy but never do so, for the girls who will be spending Valentine’s Day with another fashionista admiring their wardrobes and their photos on Wireimage instead of dining with an eligible guy at Gilt or Country…

1. Keep in mind that even at an event where most of the men are gay or unavailable there might always be that one guy who isn’t- and it only takes one.

2. Keep in mind that pretty girls are desired by men but are also intimidating to men; even to the most confident of men. Don’t stand in packs- just stand with one friend or alone so he will be able to approach if he wants to.

3. If a guy seems like he wants to approach, use body language, even just a smile to let him know that its okay to do so

4. Keep in mind that just because you are pretty doesn’t mean that guys are going to like you, you need to be welcoming and pretty.

5. Always be aware of your surroundings, because you never know who might be sitting next to you who might be a contender….

6. Do an honest self assessment and make an honest determination if the fashionista you is scaring away or turning off the men? Do you look too expensive and that makes a guy, any guy think you will be too high maintenance to handle?

7. Do you look untouchable because you are so decked out that it looks like if they lay a finger ron you, you will freak, break or get mussed? This is not good for dating.

8. Keep in mind that there is a time to be a fashion plate (the shows are a good time for that) and a time to be an attractive and also approachable woman (when you are specifically going out to meet men), make sure you dress accordingly for each occasion.

9. No more excuses about how you have to dress a certain way for your image; your image is fine. If meeting a man or getting married is a priority to you right now, you might have to tone down the designer duds in pursuit of love.

THE VACATION HOOKUP

Just came back from the Sundance film festival. It’s like summer camp. People party until 3 am, randomly hook up with people and make new best friends who they can’t live without in Utah and who they never talk to again back in their home town. While there, I became fascinated with the vacation hookup… I watched it unfold in Aspen over Christmas and New Years and I watched it continue in Sundance. Do we think that the vacation hookup can be anything other than a hookup? And I have been wondering why everyone is so comfortable randomly fooling around when they are on vaca. Or does this happen everywhere, all the time, and its just more pronounced on holiday?

Here are my thoughts… If you meet someone on vacation, you run into some stumbling blocks right away- you are probably traveling with a friend who you can’t ditch so then it becomes difficult to have a “proper date’ and becomes easier just to meet up later in the evening; well later in the evening implies sexual activities full stop. Secondly, you run into the person you meet on vacation every friggin’ place you go- you go to the bathroom in the ski lodge, there he is, waiting to pee too, you run into the bank to use the cash machine, he just did it too, you were invited to that super exclusive party, guess what so was he! So… it becomes like you are living with him, when you barely know him, its very different from when you live in your home town that is large and has lots going on and its very rare that you have random encounters. Third, what happens if you meet more than one interesting person on the vaca, how do you juggle especially when you run into both or all of them practically everywhere you go? And lastly, what happens if you meet this terrific person on day 1 of a 10 day vacation, does he or she become your boyfriend or girlfriend for the whole vacation? But if he or she doesn’t, he or she will probably wind up hating you because he or she will see you interacting with other people.

Vacation romance is harddddd!

So, here is some advice if you did have a vaca encounter and you are trying to salvage it….

Don’t hold what happened on vaca against the person unless he or she did something extraordinarily crappy to you like fooling around with your best friend the night after he or she fooled around with you, or he making out with another person right in your face.

Acknowledge that vaca romance is complicated and if the person reaches out when you get home, give him or her a chance in the normal environs- he or she might prove to be okay back home.

Realize when a vaca romance was only that, a fun holiday fling and don’t push something that you know deep down is not for you like a romance with a 25 year old player who is not looking for a relationship.

Don’t despair if your vaca romance didn’t amount to anything, be happy that you had a fun trip and be happy that it’s a new year, full of possibilities.

Thoughts?

Love, Hollywood style.

Love, Hollywood style.

Some would say that love in La la land is near impossible to maintain. The paparazzi follows your every move, the tabloids report mistruths that upset the romance applecart, and the temptation quotient is off the charts. However there are some quintessionial old time Hollywood couples who have bucked all the trends and who epitomize true Hollywood romance. What do these stars do differently than all the others, and why have their relationships been able to sustain the test of time? Let’s a take look at a few of your favorite Hollywood super couples who believe in love…

Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw- They met when Capshaw auditioned for a part in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. They married in 91, and have since had five children. Spielberg is one of the most prolific director/producers of our time and Capshaw is very supportive of his success. With her quiet elegance, she remains in the background, acting as a devoted cheerleader in all facets of Spielberg’s life. She even converted to Judaism early on to make family life more cohesive for their children. With five kids in the house, Capshaw wears the role of mother and wife more than as an actress these days and seems quite satisfied in that role. It seems that this marriage works because Spielberg and Capshaw have been able to find the perfect balance between home and Hollywood life and the perfect balance between the spotlight and staying behind the scenes. This couple respects one another and always makes time for family. As we can see from this couple, sometimes in Hollywood marriages, it’s best to have the ying and the yang.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver- A very unlikely couple who have proven that their marriage can successfully sustain the test of time. As is common knowledge by now, Shriver is from a very well known and staunchly Democratic family, while Schwarzenegger is a republican who grew up in working class family in Austria. Shriver was drawn to him because he could stand his ground with her family which was not surprising considering he was once dubbed the strongest man in America. They met in 1986, and married soon thereafter. They have 4 children together and both take family very seriously. Upon their marriage they were both working and high powered, but more recently Shriver has stepped down and has taken a back seat to Schwarzenegger’s governorship; she seemed to know instinctively that this was vital to their marriage. This couple truly knows how to support each other and make a marriage work.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. They met in 1988 and have 2 children together, though they have never tied the knot. She acts and he acts and directs. And she is 12 years older than he is! They bond over their anti-war beliefs, they devotion to the family (Robbins drove to NY from LA on Sept 11 to be with Sarandon and the kids and to make sure that they were okay.). They seem to really respect each other and to have a deep connection that helps their relationship sustain the test of time.

Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks- Some would say that this couple is the perfect Hollywood couple. They first met in 1981 on the set of Bosom Buddies and then reunited on the set of Volunteers in 1985. They married in 1988, a first marriage for her and a second marriage for Hanks after his first wife had passed away. They have 2 kids together. Hanks is one of the most sought after male talents in all of Hollywood, Wilson seems to stick to more of the Indy projects and allows Tom to shine. Their ability to stay out of the limelight except when necessary is probably one of the key factors in keeping their marriage so strong.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn- a favorite Hollywood couple. They acted together in Overboard, fell in love but never got married and have been together forever and ever. They have one child together and 3 separately. Their low key attitude and mutual admiration seems to keep them together and on the right course.

Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones- They are the most elegant couple in Hollywood. They met at the Deauville Film festival in 1998, started dating in March of 99, got engaged New Years Eve of 99 and married in November of 2000. They share the same birthday although there is a 25 year age difference between them. And since 2000 they have had 2 children together. This glamour couple’s marriage seems to work because Douglas has already become a Hollywood icon so he can now sit back and although his wife’s star to shine. Sometimes when two people are vying for success and attention at the same time, egos get involved and things crash and burn. Douglas will always be famous and a box office topper, so he no longer need or cares about the press attention. He realizes that it’s his wife’s turn and you can tell that he is very proud and very supportive.

Some good rules...

1. Have an arsenal of backup dating conversation topics: where you last traveled, a funny childhood story, or your favorite new restaurant.

2. A man needs to know that a woman is willing to have children even though he doesn’t want her to be desperate to have them immediately. This is a fine line, learn to walk it well.

3. People who use dating services are not desperate, they are busy and desirous of getting married.

4. Men like women who go out on a flirtatious limb, and do something like send them is an unexpected email or take them for an evening out on the town.

5. Even beautiful sexy women get nervous before dates.

6. Always wear matching bras and underwear, you never know who is going to see them.

7. It doesn’t matter if a man can pick a great date place. At the end of the day it’s more important that he’s willing to go to the places you pick out since when you are married, women usually wind up making all the social plans.

8. Men who come from picture-perfect families can have very high expectations for their own relationships. Keep this in mind as you date and try to get this man to live in the present instead of his childhood past.

9. Men who come from divorced families are not always dysfunctional. A lot of times they want to have a better marriage than their parents had, and they will work harder for that.

10. Men like pretty, well-kept women, this is a fact. You need to do the very best with what you have.

11. You get invited, you go; that’s what my Grandmother taught me.

12. Answering your cell phone several times during a date is inappropriate. If you need to answer you phone, the polite thing to do is tell your date that you will need to do this at the beginning of the date so he or she doesn’t take it personally.

13. If you are in a bad mood, you are better off canceling the date.

14. If you are rude to wait-staff, your date will think it’s just a matter of time before you are equally rude to them.

DATING IN JANUARY...

Happy New Year.

I just got back from a very interesting and soap opera like vacation in Aspen Colorado. Stay tuned for several installments of Dating and Mating in Aspen this week and next...

But in the meantime… Some tips for getting back on the dating horse in January….

1. Go out even when it’s freezing outside but stay in the neighborhood- if you are feeling lazy you better believe other people are as well.

2. Organize interesting get-togethers during the winter months. There are not as many social events this time a year so you have to make your own fun.

3. Use the next few weeks of football playoffs and the Super Bowl as an excuse to socialize.

4. Remind people in your life that you are single and would like to have someone to cuddle up with, so they should keep you in mind.

5. Think about taking a ski vacation- 'tis the season and do something fun and outdoorsy is a great way to meet someone.

6. Go to a movie in the afternoon- in the winter people do this.

7. Try online dating – you know you have been thinking about doing it. If you are already doing it, redo your profile- give it a sprucing- if you say something different you might attract different people or think about trying a completely new site, they are plenty of them out there.

8. Walk to work on a different route- if you vary things up you might see new people.

9. Update your hairstyle, making a change, however so slight, this could shake things up a bit.

10. Cut bait with that guy or girl who has been lingering in your life and who you know is not right for you; it’s a new year, its time to move on.

11. Do something daring; you will feel like a new you!

12. Go to a party that you don’t want to go to, you might be surprised with who is there.

13. Make a new friend; friends are a great way of meeting new people of the opposite sex.

14. Call an old friend who you haven’t spoken to in awhile and make plans to see them. Connecting with someone from the past feels good and you might be surprised that they might know someone interesting for you.

15. Come out of the closet if you are gay- it’s about time, isn’t it?

16. Have sex in a new position or in a daring place- how exhilarating!

What of this "BREAK-IT OFF" email?

“Samantha, I had the strangest but most annoying thing happen this morning. Out of the blue, I got an email from a guy who I went on a few dates with. I hadn’t heard from him in over a week, so I assumed that things were done and then this morning, he sent me an email that said that he didn’t think we were a match romantically and he just wanted to let me know. I thought the note was so bizarre- it’s been 7 days, I get it, we’re done. And truthfully, I didn’t want to go out with him again anyway, but why would this idiot send me this unsolicited email a week later? It seems so odd!”


Ahhh, “the break it off email”- a new but very in-vogue thing to do these days. I have been hearing a lot about them recently. I agree the concept of it is just bizarre. Of course you know that “it’s just not happening” when you haven’t heard from a guy in over a week, because to you as a girl, a week is tooo long for a guy to wait to get back in touch with you if he is interested in you. But to a guy, a week isn’t so long- sometimes guy purposely wait a week to “pace” things, and unfortunately a lot of women rationalize and make this behavior be okay so a lot of men think a week is not too long.

It seems that the guy in question as many guys do, somehow thought that our girl might be sitting in her house waiting for the phone to ring with his caller id on it. And he was feeling oh so guilty about that, so he decided that he would put her out of your misery, remove the suspense that he thought “must have been killing her” and let her know that he isn’t interested. Little did he know or even consider that she wasn’t really interested either. So, he probably in his own “male ego” way was trying to be nice, thoughtful even. Some girls might appreciate the honesty, though most girls would tell him to go shove it, that he wasn’t so cute or interesting anyway, right?

So, why all of a sudden this advent of the “break it off note”? I dare say email is the culprit. It used to be that we communicated by phone which meant that if you wanted to do the break it off, you risked getting the person live when you called and then having to get into a whole “why didn’t you like me, what’s wrong with me conversation” So most men, just blew girls off without explanation because most men are chicken and hate nothing more than the sappy relationship conversations especially with someone who they are not really having a full on relationship with. But then, a lot of times, these guys got yelled at by friends for their callousness and sometimes they even got yelled at by the girl in a public place the next time they ran into each other. And then the guys felt guilty and agreed that they could have been nicer, let the girl down easier, and been more polite.

So now fast forward to today and email. This jerky guy who emailed our girl this morning was upfront and honest and provided our girl with closure, closure she might not have gotten in previous times. Of course, now that we have gotten guys to break in off with us politely, we don’t want that either. Because now, our girl is wondering why- why didn’t he want to go out again, why didn’t he see them as a romantic match, what did she do wrong, should she email you back and ask him these questions, etc, etc, etc.…. Yesterday our girl just thought of this guy as a mediocre guy with bad teeth, scraggly nails and a high pitched girly sounding voice who she wasn’t interested in ever seeing again and totally fine with that notion. Yesterday our girl was fine with the blow off because she didn’t have to think about it, it wasn’t verbalized on her computer screen But now today she is obsessing about him because of his email, she didn’t need, want or ask for the rejection, especially from a guy who she thought was pretty much of a dork to begin with.

This is a woman for you- she craves information yet she hates information, she likes to analyze yet she hates analyzing. So men…. I am not sure what to tell you- you can write the blew off note and she will hate you for it and think you are loser and a jerk or you can not write the note and just blow her off and she will still think you are a loser and jerk.

Your choice…

Comments?

Crossing over from friends to lovers...

When Harry met Sally-

Probably one of the quintessential relationship movies of our time. Why? Because it gives us ultimate hope that best friends can actually end up together and get married. When I think back on that movie I wonder to myself- was it that Harry and Sally were such the perfect couple or was it a case of being lonely at the holidays and turning to your best friend. I know reducing the theme of the movie to a timing issue takes all the romance out of it, but I need to ask the question. Is it possible, probable even that they both just woke up on that one morning and realized that they couldn’t be without each other? Absolutely. But as we approach New Year’s 2005 most of us can relate to the other possibility that perhaps their feelings of loneliness that the holiday season brings were so strong that they just went for it because the timing was right. Perhaps Harry and Sally were just feeling what a lot of us feel in December, alone, sad and desirous of sharing the holiday season with someone, or at very least, desirous of kissing someone on New Years.

For those of you who have forgotten the specifics of the movie---

Harry and Sally hated each other at first glance. She was a bookish, high maintenance, pain in the ass kind of girl; very proper when it came to dating and she took her salad dressing on the side. Harry, on the other hand, was a dog of a guy, he slept with random women, whispered sweet nothings in their ears if it meant scoring a date or a love making session and did everything on the fly. There could not have been two more opposite people. But then they find themselves sharing a cross country drive and of course, the close proximity to each other in the automobile makes each one of them warm up to the other. They arrive at their destination and say goodbye and good luck.

Some time goes by and they run into each other, feel that feeling of “it’s so great to see and catch up with an old friend” and determine that they should become best friends. So starts a series of, “let’s watch an old movie in our pajamas, let’s grab Chinese food on Sunday night, let’s be each other’s backup date for annoying obligatory functions and let’s set each other up with each other’s best friend”. Well, as a proper romance movie goes- when they set each other up with each other’s best friend, of course, Harry and Sally themselves are connecting better with each other than their friends are connecting with them, And , Harry and Sally are “completely clueless” to this. And of course, their friends fall in love and get married, all the while hoping that Harry and Sally will wake up, smell the coffee realize they are in love and then the two couples can head off into “our kids are best friends and we go on every vacation together” land.

As the movie continues, Harry and Sally remain oblivious, however they both begin to hate on site anyone that the other dates, and chalking that dislike up to thinking that such person is not good enough for their best friend. Unrecognized jealousy continues to flair up and in a pivotal crying scene where Sally has been broken up with and is convinced that she will be alone forever, the kiss between the two ensues and they wind up in bed, finally!

Then starts the normal relationship banter and discord because as the producers never let us forget, Harry and Sally are really polar opposites. Eventually they break up, maybe out of fear, maybe out of dislike, it’s unclear. But we as viewers know that there are still feelings there. And then the crescendo comes on New years eve when each one is alone, feeling particularly suicidal, that they get back together and decide to live happily ever after. End of movie.

Yes, very romantic, very feel good, very ‘we all want that to happen with our best opposite sex friend who knows us so well already and who has already seen us with Clearasil on our face”. But how often does the friend to lover conversion really work? We all want it to work, but does it?

If you are looking to make that conversion here are some words of advice….

Do go for it during the holiday season, meaning right now- people are most vulnerable right now, looking to be with someone right now and looking not to be alone.

If you can’t do it right now, second best time, in January. It’s a New Year, people are looking to try new things, people remember that they were alone and sad on New Year’s Eve and in most parts of the country, people are friggin freezing and would love someone to cuddle with.

Do just go for it; don’t do the whole big discussion thing. If you guys talk about it, and analyze it, you will talk yourselves out of it. Just go for it, and discuss later. Trust me.

Have a plan of how you are going to go for it. Make sure liquor is in the mix- liquor will give you the courage you need. You might think you are ready to cross the line but in that one moment when its time to do it, you will feel chicken, the booze will help.

Make sure that on the night that you plan to cross the line, that there is no talk of other men or women, no talk of ex’s. Definitely play up the two of yours connection, do something that the two of you really enjoy doing together. Set the mood.

Make sure you look good when you are going for it. Not too good where the other person will notice and wonder why, but good enough that when they come up from that first kiss they will see someone who looks really pretty.

Be prepared to go for it on a whim as well. Even the best laid plans can sometimes backfire. If you see your opportunity, and it feels right, abort plan and go for it, this might be your chance.

Be prepared for rejection- he or she might say no, he or she might not be having those cross over feelings like you have. This is another reason why having alcohol in the mix is good. This way, if the plan backfires, you can blame it all on your inebriated state.

Don’t not go for it because you are afraid it will ruin the friendship. Keep in mind that statistically more than 70% of guy/girl friendships are curtailed and expunged from reality as soon as the guy marries another woman, Women are very territorial. Once they get the ring, they tend to clean house of platonic opposite sex friends. So keep in mind that your days in his or her life might be numbered, so why not see what happens.

It worked for Harry and Sally after all!

Comments?

The day after the FIRST KISS...

Big topic…
The day after the first kiss or the first fool around.

I am starting to think that the guy can do no right.

If he calls immediately and asks for plans that next night, the girl often times gets scared or freaked out. If he waits, she gets furious “I can’t believe he didn’t call, we kissed!” And if they get into an email exchange, she spends the whole day thinking about why they are emailing and if there is any significance to the fact that its email and not phone. She wonders if there a number of emails that implies that he really likes her as opposed to likes her just a little bit. She wonders if this his way of slowing down the situation, etc.

Ughhhhh…. Guys are complaining to me about this and girls, well girls just freak out about it daily.

So here is some guidance for the guys…

If you liked her and she seemed to like you as well, the best thing you can do is lob in a call on the day after. The two of you kissed or fooled around, you took a step, and it’s lame to wait.

If you the kissing was awkward but you like her nonetheless, you need to call the day after as well, act like nothing is wrong and schedule another date. The "elephant is on the table" already, no need to discuss the issue just yet.

If you cannot call the day after for some reason, send an email, make it cute and sweet, and keep in mind that she is analyzing every word of it, again and again and again.

Remember that even though the two of you mashed for two plus hours last night, this morning, the morning after, although she is feeling really excited, she is also feeling pretty insecure at the same time. She is thinking that it was too good to be true, she is thinking you might run because the two of you got so intense last night and she is remembering that the last thing you saw when you were leaving was her streaked make-up face. Translation, tread lightly, the day after, she needs reassurance.

Ways to give reassurance-

Open your email with “Hi sexy” or can’t stop thinking about you, etc. Something sweet, something complimentary, she needs it. Even if that is not you, per se, she needs it, so give it to her.

Ask for another plan. Even if that plan needs to be a week off from today, still ask for it and apologize that you need to wait so long. A girl would rather you bring up the plans now for a date faraway then say nothing and leave her wondering why

Tell her you had fun last night. Even though it should be clear to her that you had fun, tell her anyway, she wants to hear it.

Interchanges that will freak her out

One word email answers to her emails (She will wonder why your prose aren’t flowing and she will forget that you are this super busy exec at work who barely has time to go to the restroom, let alone go on and on in emails.)

Waiting hours at a time between emails to respondl. (She will wonder if you are getting scared and trying to put distance between the two of you)

Cutting the email exchange short by saying- I will speak to you later or have a good night. (These phrases feel like dismissals to a woman. You might think you are just being normal and polite but she doesn’t interpret it that way. She just keeps playing it over and over again in her head “He told me to have a good night? What does that mean? Why can’t he call me and say that? What is he doing tonight? Why doesn’t he suggest plans with me if we had so much fun last night? Does he kiss a lot of girls like he kissed me? Is this a game to him? Etc, etc, etc. - And yes she will have all this noise in her head over what you thought was an innocuous have a good night sentence! )

Like I said initially, guys, you can do no right. However, if you kissed her, you need to err on the side of sweet and interested or there will be hell to pay. Trust me, I am a Matchmaker, but I am also a girl!

Comments?

Rebound baby?

Someone wrote this morning.... Samantha- what do you think about rebound relationships? I think I am having one. Can it work? Some guidance would be appreciated...

Hmmm, I hear you. I think we all have been in that kind of relationship but for those of you who might not be clear...

A rebound relationship is- it’s that relationship right after your heartbreak relationship with the one person who you were near obsessed with; its that relationship that is supposed to get you over the last one even though you know deep-down that nothing but time or killing yourself will really get you over it! Usually your rebound person will be a person who makes you feel really good about yourself because at that moment, you are feeling like real crap and your self esteem is in the toilet. Is a rebound relationship doomed? It might be. But it seems that alot of people don’t really care if the rebound is destined to fail because all they are looking for in the moment is a warm bed and some escape from their misery.

Let’s consider a couple that people are saying are in a rebound relationship--- Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Jennifer was heartbroken after Brad cheated on her with Angelina. Jennifer found solace in her friendship with Vince. Now they seem to be having more than a friendship. Is this a rebound relationship for her or the real McCoy?

Here are some questions you should ask yourself to help you figure out if your rebound relationship is just a rebound or if it has some legs for a longer lasting relationship

How much time has passed since your last relationship? If it ended yesterday, you probably aren’t in the proper mind set to fall in love again. (with Jen and Vince, a fair amount of time has passed since her breakup)

Do you have a real connection with this person and you really enjoy each other’s company or is the connection only sexual in nature? (Jen and Vince were friends first so the fact that they took it to the next level might suggest a real bond as opposed to a rebound situation)

Do you actually want to jump back into a relationship or are you just looking for help getting over the last one? (Jennifer has stated that she wants to be in a relationship, plus she didn’t end her relationship with Brad which would suggest that she likes being in relationships)

Were you thoughtful in your choice to get involved with this person or did you just go for the first person that presented him or herself to you in an easy way? (Jennifer and Vince spent a lot of time together on their movie so getting involved became easy, The future will tell us if they can stay together as they each go on to other things )

Realize that even if you are in a rebound relationship that this is okay too. Different relationships provide different things for us and if this one is so you can feel better and move into the present, remember you are entitled to one of those once in awhile.

If you are in a rebound relationship and you know that it has no future and you want to be in a relationship that does, in fact, have a future, put yourself on a time line- give your self a deadline for extricating yourself. Keep in mind that relationships, specifically fun and easy ones, have a way of dragging on and on, especially in the cold winter months. So if you really know in your heart of hearts that this one can never be, make sure you don't spend so much time in it that you deprive yourself of something else that could be real and sustain the test of time.

Comments??

Young love on the rocks!

Breaking news this morning- Nicole Richie and DJ “Adam” AM broke off their engagement!

I know you might not care- but its headline news everywhere and it fits with the blog, so I am going to comment a little. And...I think she has done “a bang up job of transforming herself into a classy and interesting young lady!” so she deserves a few words.

Up until today, this young impetuous couple seemed like they were going to make it to the altar. I guess “seemed” was the operative word.

So what happened? Nicole and Paris broke up, Paris replaced Nicole with the other Paris, and with Kimberly Stewart (Rod’s daughter) in her life (her new “BFF’) and she even tried to replace her in her TV show (she tried to get Fox to let Kimberly try the Simple Life) Then… Dumped and alone, Nicole gets herself a boyfriend and a very serious one, very quickly (“Bye bye Paris, I have moved on”- her actions implied) So Nicole got thin, got a boyfriend, got a stylist- and became sexy and refined and grown up.

But was her relationship grown up? Or was it really just a rebound from a best friend breakup and an attempt to keep up with the Joneses, I mean the Hiltons?

Let’s take a look- Adam is cool, Nicole likes cool, Adam is in the music business, Nicole is used to the music business. Adam seems to be the strong silent type, so was Lionel Richie, her dad. Adam was age appropriate for her, not many many years older like Lindsay Loan’s beau. Daddy Lionel liked him, that’s important to a Daddy’s girl and last but certainly not least, they seemed to have fun together.

However… they got engaged way too quickly (what is the rush at their age? Was it only to catch up with the Paris shenanigans?), they sort of embody the opposites attract theory- she is a fashionista, he wears jeans hanging off his ass, she is neat and tidy, he’s a bit of a slob, she loves posing for the paparazzi, he could care less.

So now they break it off- the tabloids want it to be because Nicole needs to be neck and neck with everything Paris does. So when Paris breaks off her engagement, the tabloids want us to think that of course it was only a matter of time until Nicole did the same thing. This explanation makes its all neat and tidy for the press and gives the comedians more fodder. However, I don’t think it was that at all. I think Nicole is way over Paris and their feud. I think plain and simple, no pun intended, Nicole is just coming into herself. She lost weight, she got beautiful, she got a TV deal with Fox and now she has a book out- it’s Nicole’s time now, she doesn’t need to be engaged and married unless it’s right, and apparently its not. The relationship just hit the nine month mark and a lot of couples actually call it quits right before that year mark- that mark is quite daunting and makes things seem really real.

I applaud the breakup and her nerve to do it- you know that she knows that every talk show host in America is going to be making fun of her and how her life parallels her nemesis’s life. So… now besides dealing with the breakup which even if she hates the guy, will take time, she also has to deal with that.

That’s Hollywood.
Comments?

Don't be a Fraidy Cat!

Samantha- I read what you wrote good advice. But…how do you know if it’s okay to broach New Years Eve delicately? I want to broach, I really do but I am afraid that I might not be entitled to broach or it might freak my guy out. And I think I like this one, for once. Help!

New Years eve… People get so worked up about it. Usually the most fun New Year eves are the ones that aren’t planned and wind up being spur of the moment and unexpected. Plus, it sucks when you have just met someone new in December. You are stuck in “in between land”. Let’s see... how to know if you can broach delicately…

Rules of thumb

If you have not been out with him at least 5 times, it is too soon to broach! I don’t care if each of your first two dates were 7 hours each and if you had mind blowing sex with him; it’s still too soon to bring anything up.

If you have not fooled around with him yet, it’s too soon too broach. A lingering kiss when he walks you home, is not fooling around, I am talking about the fooling around where most of your clothes end up on the floor.

If you have already sort of broached the subject and he hasn’t bit, do not broach again. The more you bring it up, the less chance he will ask you to spend New Years eve with him.

You need to try to understand your man. If he is the take charge, I need to do the asking type, don’t broach at all, he will broach if and when he wants to.

A scheming broaching technique- go out with some of your friends, and let one of them bring it up, then you are stuck in the conversation but you aren’t guilty for starting it. But make extra special certain that the friend you enlist to do the broaching for you, is cool about it, she needs to bring it up very innocently so he will never suspect that you put her up to it. Pick a self absorbed friend who will drone on and on about her own plans for the holidays and then as an afterthought turn to you guys and say what are you guys do for New Years. Again, only do this if you have been out with him more than 5 times, otherwise, it could be very awkward.

And last word of advice, if you are on the fence about whether or not you think you are in a situation that would allow for broaching, again pick a deadline date for when you bring the topic up, pick a date that is as far enough out in the distance to leave him room to broach on his own (because we know that men like to do the asking). And make sure you make that deadline date beforeDec 30- you are not being fair or respectful to yourself with a date one day before New Year's eve. I think that he asks by Christmas could be a fair unless another invitation comes up before then and then you need to use your best judgment.

Good luck!

New Year's Eve freak-outs

I got an email this morning…

“Samantha, The holidays are freaking me out. I just started dating this guy and I don’t know what to do about my New Years plans. A lot of my friends are planning trips and I would like to go (I certainly don’t want to be stuck home alone on the holidays). But if I commit to going and I am still with this guy, then I won’t be around to spend New Year Eve with him and that might ruin our relationship or he might wind up hooking up with someone other girl on that night. I am scared because guys always wind up randomly hooking up on New Year’s Eve if they aren’t with a girl. What should I do???”


I have been hearing about a lot of these New Year Eve freak-outs recently.

My advice- our writer is in a tough spot. I completely hear her when she says that she wants to go away with her friends so she is not left home alone and depressed. On the other hand, I also hear her when she says that she would like to spend New Years with her man if he is still her man at the end of the year.

What to do, what to do?

I feel some dos and don’ts coming forward….

Do go ahead and make your holiday plans. In my experience any time a girl changes her plans for a man or waits around for a man, nothing good comes out of it. The only time things continue to work out with someone you are dating is when you lead your life as you would like to and when you are confident in your choices.

Do make plans with a group, not just one friend if you decide to schedule the trip. This way if your guy entices you to cancel your plans and be with him, you won’t be leaving anyone in the lurch.

Do try to plan a trip that has some sort of cancellation provision if at all possible; this will quell your anxiety about being stuck with nonrefundable plans that you are dying to cancel if he actually asks you to be with him.

Do come up with a deadline date that if he hasn’t mentioned anything to you about New Year Eve that you will firm up your own plans. You do this so that you are not thinking about the decision every minute of every day. And this way, if he asks you for plans before your chosen deadline, that’s great, you can be with him if you would like to be. But if he doesn’t, you stick to the program and you tell him you already have nonrefundable plans. This way you will be respectful of yourself and won’t drive yourself crazy.

Do be confident in your relationship. If he really likes you, he will not cheat on you on New Years Eve even if you spend it apart.

Do realize that if you schedule your plans with friends that your guy could always join your group wherever you are headed.

Do try to broach the vacationing/New Years eve question, but do it very delicately, very delicately. Maybe say something like “My friend Michelle called and asked me if I wanted to go away with her to the Bahamas for Christmas week, do you think that sounds like fun.” This puts the topic on the table and gives him the opportunity to ask you if you would be back for New Years or for him to tell you outright that he was hoping to spend the holidays with you. If he doesn’t take the bait, don’t push him.

Remember New Years Eve is only one night and you don’t want to blow what could be a good slowly growing relationship over one overrated night.

Sniffing out Porky Pig online

I received an email this morning....

"Samantha, this online dating stuff is a joke. I swear to you that the last 3 men I have met thru it were all over 250pounds and somehow they wrote that they were medium build in their profile and their photograph didn’t make them look even a little heavy. I can’t take it anymore. What can I do to avoid this happening in the future?"

Wow, heavy man after heavy man, that's heavy, man! Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Of late, many many women have been complaining to me of this exact problem. It used to be that I would hear from the men that they hate online dating because all the girls put up old photos and then when they arrive, the women look nothing like the picture. Yes, guys I know that this continues to happen, however, recently there has been a run on problem photos that the men are posting as well. It’s strange to me that men would lie so blatantly about what they look like. I think it’s been proven that women are much more forgiving in the looks category than men are or will ever be so...

Men--- you are idiots if you trick them with an inaccurate photo. Ugly or heavy man a woman might be able and willing to handle, lies and dishonesty- NEVER!!! Get with the program- so you need to lose weight- there will be plenty of girls who will be willing to help you do so, if they like you and think you are a good guy. However, if you look like Jubba the Hut and you don't warn, she will hate you on site and YOU WILL BEVER GET YOUR SHOT WITH HER! NEVER.

So to answer our disgruntled writer's question... Some tips on sniffing out Porky Pig online....

Do ask him to send you A FEW photos- one he might be able to hide his weight in, several you might notice.

Do ask him if the photo is recent. No this is not a rude question- you just have to be polite in how you bring it up. Suggestion.... When you send him your photo, you write, here is a "recent" photo of me, please send me a recent photo of you." Then when each of you receive the other's photo- you can write "Nice photo, mine was taken last month in the Bahamas, when was yours taken?"- This way you provide the infomration about yourself that you are requesting of him.

Do listen to your women’s intuition, if it is telling you that something smells fishy, something smells fishy. Tell him a third person anecdote to scare him out of lying. What I mean by this is to tell him a story about a guy you met thru the internet that lied about what he looked like, sent you a fake photo and when you arrived to meet him, you told him off and left immediately. A story like this should make a liar realize that he will be wasting his time lying to you because you will leave immediately upon discovery

Lastly, do not believe a guy when he says he doesn't have a photo to send you. If you ask for a photo and he refuses to send you one, says he doesn't have one, or acts offended that you want to see one- expect that this means something bad. He is either heinous, overweight or unavailable meaning married or in a relationship and scared of getting caught. My advice here--don’t agree to go. All online daters have photos to email, all online daters know that it is common practice to exchange photos and all online daters should be willing to send you a photo, period!

Comments?